Lily used to burst through our front door like she was running toward Christmas morning.
“GRANDPA!” she’d shout, and Jim would brace himself for impact, laughing as she slammed into him.
She adored him. The old baseball cap he let her wear. The card tricks. The way he pretended not to notice when she cheated at Go Fish. She called him her “favorite person,” and he’d roll his eyes like it embarrassed him.
So when she came to stay for a week and refused to hug him goodnight, something inside me went still.
It started small.
For the first few days, everything felt normal. Pancakes in the morning. Lily perched on a stool narrating Jim’s coffee routine like it was a cooking show.
“First you scoop. Then you pour. Then you wait. Then you don’t drink it because it’s yucky.”
Jim winked at me. “I’m raising a critic.”
But by the fourth day, Lily grew quiet.
At dinner she pushed peas around her plate. When Jim asked if she wanted to play cards, she said, “Maybe later,” without looking at him.
That night, as always, he waited by the couch for her hug.
“Go give Grandpa a hug before bed,” I told her gently.
She stopped in the hallway.
Looked at him.
Then shook her head.
Jim’s smile held, but I saw it strain. “No hug tonight?”
“I’m sleepy,” she said quickly and disappeared into the guest room.
Later, as I tucked her in, she stared at the ceiling like she was studying something invisible.
“Sweetheart,” I asked softly, “why didn’t you hug Grandpa?”
She hesitated.
Then she turned toward me and whispered, “Grandma… he’s different.”
My heart tightened. “Different how?”
She swallowed. “He was crying.”
I blinked. “Grandpa was crying?”
She nodded.
“Last night. I got up for water. I heard noises.”
“What kind of noises?”
“Like… when someone tries not to be loud,” she said. “I peeked in the kitchen.”
I felt a cold prickle run across my skin.
“He was at the table,” she continued. “His head was down. He was shaking. He had his hands on his face.”
Her eyes filled. “Grandpa never cries. He looked… small.”
I took her hand. “Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing.”
“Is he mad at me?” she whispered.
“No,” I said immediately.
“Did I make him cry?”
“No. You didn’t.”
“But he’s different.”
“I know,” I said gently. “I’m going to talk to him.”
That night I found Jim in his recliner, a book open on his lap. He hadn’t turned the page.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Fine,” he said too quickly.
“You’ve been on the same page for ten minutes.”
He forced a laugh. “Guess it’s boring.”
In the morning I watched him more closely.
He reached for the sugar, paused, and stared at the counter like it had betrayed him.
“It’s right there,” I said softly.
He blinked. “Right. Of course.”
Later, Lily asked for a card trick. He shuffled, stopped mid-motion, then reshuffled with visible frustration.
That afternoon I saw papers spread across his desk in the den. When he noticed me, he shoved them into a drawer too fast.
“Bills,” he said.
“Since when do you hide bills?” I asked.
He didn’t answer.
That night, after Lily went to sleep, I sat across from him.
“She saw you crying,” I said.
His jaw tightened. “She shouldn’t have been up.”
“Jim.”
“I was tired.”
“A child doesn’t stop hugging someone over one moment,” I said carefully. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Jim.”
“Drop it.”
He never spoke to me like that.
After he went to bed, I opened the drawer.
Inside was an appointment card. A pamphlet. A printout.
Neurology. Cognitive assessment. Follow-up.
My hands trembled.
A floorboard creaked behind me.
“You went through my things,” Jim said quietly.
“I did,” I replied. “Because you wouldn’t tell me.”
He sat down heavily.
For a moment he looked angry. Then he just looked old.
“I didn’t want you to know,” he whispered.
“Why?”
“Because then it’s real.”
My throat tightened. “What did they say?”
He stared at the carpet.
“They said it’s early,” he muttered. “They love that word.”
“Early what?”
He swallowed.
“Early dementia,” he said. “Alzheimer’s is possible.”
The room seemed to tilt.
“I’ve been forgetting things,” he went on. “Names. Why I walked into rooms. I read and it doesn’t stick. I feel it happening and I can’t stop it.”
“And you cried alone,” I said.
“I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re my husband,” I whispered. “Not a burden.”
“And Lily,” he added, voice cracking. “She looks at me like I’m the safest place in the world. I didn’t want that to change.”
The next morning we called Erin and Daniel.
Erin’s face crumpled when Jim told her. Daniel went very quiet.
“No more secrets that land on a child,” I said.
That evening I sat with Lily on her bed.
“Grandpa’s brain is going through something hard,” I explained. “Sometimes it gets mixed up. That made him sad.”
She stared at her hands. “Is he still Grandpa?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “He’s still Grandpa.”
“Can I see him?”
We walked into the living room.
Jim looked up like he’d been holding his breath all day.
“Hi, kiddo,” he said softly.
Lily stood in front of him. “Grandpa, you were crying.”
“I was,” he admitted. “I’m sorry you saw that.”
“Are you mad?”
“Never.”
She stepped closer. “Are you scared?”
He nodded. “A little.”
She hugged him then. Tight.
When she pulled back, she said in her serious seven-year-old voice, “No more secrets.”
Jim looked at me.
“No more secrets,” he promised.
Two days later, when Erin came to pick her up, Lily hugged him without hesitation. He handed her his old baseball cap, and she put it on like it was something sacred.
“See you soon,” she told him.
“I’ll be here,” he replied.
After they left, the house felt too quiet.
I drove to the cemetery and sat on a bench, letting the fear rise and settle and rise again. Then I stood up, because there was no other choice.
When I came home, Jim was at the kitchen table with his book again.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded, then shook my head. “No. But I will be.”
He gave me a tired smile. “Me too.”
I walked over and wrapped my arms around him.
He held me back, solid and warm.
For now, he was still here.
And for now, that was enough.