Recently, I lost my mom. I knew that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore, but I didn’t expect it to flip that much.” When our reader’s dad remarried someone her age, he expected them to bond like family. But after her new “mom” crossed a line, Bella couldn’t stay quiet. How can she navigate this new family dynamic when it feels like she is losing her dad, too?
My name is Bella, and I’m 24 years old. Recently, I lost my mom. I knew that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore, but I didn’t expect it to flip that much.So, my dad (59) married Lucy (27) and keeps forcing me to “be friends” with her. I feel sick. At dinner, my dad started again, so I snapped: “She’s closer to my age than you, and she’ll never be family to me.” Lucy just smirked.
The next day, I froze when I saw that Lucy had taken down all my mom’s old photos from the living room. When I confronted her, she said, “Since we’re not family, don’t expect me to treat you like one. Your mom isn’t my family either.”
I told my dad, but he brushed it off, saying I needed to move on. He added that I needed to understand that it was his life now, and I should respect his choices.
I’m really struggling with this. I’ve tried to make peace with it, but I just don’t think I can accept Lucy as part of my life. I feel like I’m losing both my mom’s memory and my dad in a way, and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here. Any advice would be really appreciated.
You will lose both, your dad is trying to move forward with what he wants. He’s doesn’t care to understand where you are at, is all about him and his new toy. You need to understand that he has the right to make decisions even if you don’t agree. She may be the one that helps him through this time. Don’t do anything you will regret. Explain to him all you can do is try ask for the photos and your mom’s things so you can have some keepsakes. Some people can just move forward quickly and some can’t.
–
–
Reply
Show more comments
Dear Bella,
You’re in a tough spot, and it’s clear you’re doing your best to handle an emotionally complicated situation. Whether it’s not very clear if you still live at your dad’s and if Lucy wants you two to be close, we believe that the key here is to find ways to communicate what you need to your dad and also to give yourself the space to process what’s happening in a way that feels manageable and doable in the current situation.