Lady Margaret was 92 years old, wealthy, sharp-tongued, and famous for never smiling.
She had employed the same butler, Alfred, for over 40 years.
One morning, Alfred approached her nervously.
“Lady Margaret, may I ask for a raise?”
She looked over her glasses.
“A raise? Alfred, what possible reason could there be?”
Alfred cleared his throat.
“Well, ma’am, there are three reasons.”
“Fine,” she sighed. “Let’s hear them.”
“First, I iron your clothes better than you do.”
Lady Margaret frowned.
“Who told you that?”
“Your husband, ma’am.”
She nodded reluctantly.
“Fair enough. What’s the second reason?”
“I cook better than you.”
“Who told you that?”
“Your husband, ma’am.”
Lady Margaret’s eyes narrowed.
“And the third?”
Alfred smiled.
“I am a better driver than you.”
“Let me guess,” snapped Lady Margaret. “My husband told you that too?”
Alfred grinned.
“No, ma’am.”
“Then who did?”
“Your chauffeur.”
There was a long silence.
Finally, Lady Margaret sighed and said:
“Alfred…”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“How much of a raise do you want?”